The Sledgehammer Approach To Spiritual Awakening

Emerging at dawn from my solitude in the Pine Barrens to join again with my fellow vision-questers, I can barely contain my joy as I rush back to base camp for warm hugs and miso soup. I am thrilled to be out of my 10' diameter circle I called home for the 4-day fast. My chigger bites no longer itch but BURN. I will never again say there are not enough hours in the day. Every thunderstorm that comes my way I will recall dancing naked in the pouring rain in complete acceptance of my spot between the two largest trees I could see. Malcom calls the vision quest the "sledgehammer approach to spiritual awakening," and this is not to be taken lightly, for if you choose this it will most likely be the most difficult thing you do, both during and after.

Today I feel sick with this modern culture and its chemical-filled food, advertising images, florescent lighting, abandoned strip malls, and ever-growing concrete. In my culture shock I see clearly how much change I would love to see and help create, yet the change that is needed is so drastic and so massive in this moment I no longer believe it is possible. Maybe our only real hope is the mastering of primitive skills and permaculture. I am so thirsty...

Looking at my nightmares.... My feelings of instability run so deep- deeper than getting thrown into an entire new family dynamic in my pre-teen years, deeper than my mother leaving, deeper than my brother dying... The very nature of Earth, spinning in space around an immortal star, meteors flying by, ocean levels rising, hurricanes, tsunamis, floods, tornados, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, nuclear war, the evil that government is capable of, pollution, irradiated food, street violence, air plane crashes... How can I feel stable in this life? Sometimes there is so much fear and insecurity in me it is almost crippling...

Everyone wants to be happy
Don't keep serving them your pain!

If you could untie
your wings and free
your soul of jealousy
(and fear, and anger, and blame)

You and everyone
around you would
fly up like doves.

-Rumi

And I realize, all you can really do is nurture yourself, love the people you share their life with, be kind to those you meet along the way, and try to make the most conscious and compassionate choices possible in this crazy world.